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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

On A Happy New Year

If something good comes from this otherwise sucky year, is that it will soon be over. Honestly, this year was terrible and not only for Dream being held back.

Well, it did brought something good. This year, I started to write my script only to give up again and now to go back. Hey, who was the wiser to said that our dreams are never easy to reach? Never mind.

I really want to write my script. The issue with life is that we want to do so many things and there is never the time to do anything. If I had my act together, at this point, I would be chilling while forcing my friends and family to read the damn script.

I want to keep writing this blog, at least once per week. I want to keep writing the other blog, at least once per week. I want to fix the issues with my past horror short and write a new short. So, the issue here is that there is more writing than life. The horror short was a mess but at least now; I know how to fix some of it. The other short, which honestly I find more interesting at the moment, has this log line (the story in one line):

An undocumented middle school nerd and the cheerleader he has a crush on are getting a ride from his Spanish speaking father when a cop stops them and ask for a driver's license.

I like the idea. Still, I dunno, the writer's side of the brain says it's pretty dull. The undocumented half of the brain feels it's pretty compelling. What you guys think?

Well, I hope that you guys are all having a wonderful time and that you are moving, slowly but surely towards all your hopes and dreams. Wish this New Year is more merciful on us all. So, I will leave with my favorite quote from one of my favorite movies of the year, The Visionaries.

I can do this because I did it before…in a dream.

Friday, December 24, 2010

On How to Debate in the Internetz Par III

Ok, it seems all the other parts are scatter around the joint. I will post a link if you want to see the whole thing at once. This is a super long post and should be at least five parts but a deal is a deal even if it does not work. The main reason why this was not out sooner is because of laziness. Really, this was wrote when the first one was done.

How to Debate the Internetz Part I
http://dreamactstudent.blogspot.com/2010_11_01_archive.html#3245623118968316040

How to Debate the Internetz Part II
http://dreamactstudent.blogspot.com/2010_12_01_archive.html#5141106981344901437

Know the Art of Debating


On the skinny, an argument consists of a conclusion that is supported by evidence. For example:

Doctors are necessary when one is sick,

the county of Los Angeles has 10% less doctors than most counties,

Therefore, we need more doctors in Los Angeles.

The argument is we need more doctors in Los Angeles. The rest is evidence to prove it is so. There is nothing more irritant that someone who writes within your argument trying to prove your case wrong in all possible levels. For example:

Doctors are necessary when one is sick (No all the time),

Los Angeles has 10% less doctors than most counties (actually we have plenty of doctors),

Therefore, we need more doctors in Los Angeles (that is stupid).

You don’t need to do that to prove all the argument wrong. Besides being confusing, wasting space, and being a jerk you will look childish, ignorant and foolish. Only one part of the evidence will make the conclusion fall apart:

People in Los Angeles need fewer doctors because Angelinians are on average healthier.

The above will prove the argument wrong without wasting precious space. If someone dissects your comments like that, simply ignore them and keep straight into your attacking their argument in the weakest point. This is especially advantageous when debating in places where there is a limit in symbols.

Battle without Honor or Humanity

In battles of wits, everything is allowed. Do throw some low punches. Pepper your sentences with the above mentioned fallacies. Seduce the audience, not only with your evidence but with your style and humor. They call you an idiot who cannot spell, you reply with a “you forgot to prove me wrong”. Call them of their bluffs, if they say that they speak 10 languages ask them which ones and then force the truth out of them.

Do not respond right away, take your time, days if necessary, to write the most devastating, humiliating and cruel response. Most important, admit that they make you angry but also realize that this person does not know you and is nothing to you. Only maggots debate in the Internet to boost their self-esteem and when they turn off their computers, they go back to the fear of dealing with people in the flesh and blood where calling someone part of the “Jew power elite” or a “nigger” has consequences.

The most important thing....

Thank You for reading this blog and

Have a Merry Christmas and a Terrific New Year!!!!!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

On Ourselves

Not that I think that many people will read this.

So, once again the world has failed us. There is really no other way to say it or put it or understand it or analyze it. We worked hard for Dream. Some more than others but everyone chip in and as important as it is the person in the front of the parade as the hundreds behind them. Still, might I remind you? We did not fail ourselves.

After that incredible punch in the gut, I can say, our old man hit worst than that. Just think how hard it was to graduate from high school. How hard it was to get a job. How hard it was to apply college or simply to register for community college. Not a question but a fact.

Just think about every day, to be call an animal, a criminal and a monster since you were a child from people less deserving than you. To be sneered for desiring a better life and refuse to become a low wage, low skill, faceless exploited undocumented worker. Just for that, you're the worst of the worst. How dare you refuse your destiny?

Wasn't this terrible? It was. Wasn't it deeply sad? Beyond words? More than regular folks can take? It was. Then again, we are not regular folks. It is okay to cry, to admit pain and to feel sorry for ourselves. Lesser individuals would just slide their wrist and get it over with it. Still, besides getting our hopes high, we come back home to our regular struggles. We are after all the best and brightest.

Again, I have to admit. It was more emotive for me to see Dream triumph in the House than failing in the Senate. After all, it is love from the status quo that shocks me, not their painful indifference or their outright hatred. It is acceptance what humbles me and not the morbid slandering. Over and over, we have been stab in the back and over and over we come back from the ashes.

Of course, you will hear those who chose hate over common sense that this is the very arrogance and over-privileged attitude the liberals have created. Then, again, I went to college without documents, student aid, grants, loans or cushy employment. They, for the most part didn't. The same goes to the kind folks who think immigrants are dumb for not speaking English when they clearly have such a poor domain of what should be their native language. Since many dreamers are bilinguals, I think it means we are twice as smart? Doesn't it?

Do we have the right to be angry? Of course we have. Even without the papers, we are as American as the Constitution. We are undocumented, we are part of different minorities. Our history is the history of the United States of America. The same way the history of African Americans slaves, of Japanese Americans on concentration camps, or Chicanos being run down from their properties from California. This is the story of the German and Irish being look down upon while creating the wealth of the nation with their sweat and blood. If someone believes the history of America is only of a small group from one race, one religion, one class, one sex, that person is the real traitor, not us. Not the children, not the pure.

And like all this groups, we will go on strong and alive, full of joy and pain because we are the best and the brightest. I say this to the child I once was and to the new ones who got once again denied. You are not a bad person, you are not a criminal and you are as much the product of God's love as the richest, most deserving person in this world.

This is not the conclusion but a To be Continued

Sunday, December 5, 2010

How to Debate in the Internetz (Part II)

Note: After looking at the first part, it is clear it should be at least six parts. Here is part two of the highly acclaimed article that started it all.

Know Your Setting


Where are you debating, Dream Act portal, Facebook, You Tube? Each place has different rules; some allow you to write huge posts while others only allow a few couple of words. If you only have a sentence to make a point, it is going to be difficult to make your point across without saying something you didn’t meant to say. In any case, unless you’re in the Hustler forum, please limit your usage of colorful language. Don’t prove thy enemy is right by sounding like a sailor in a cheap porn movie. At the same time, sadly, if you write a long post, the dimmer are the changes of anyone reading your comment. People would rather thumbs up a single word comment than one with actual statement.

Sometimes, the setting is everything. If you wrote a refusal in NumbersUSA or the Allipac You Tube channel, all the aggravation you’re getting is what you deserved. What did you expect? If you debate someone who hates you, the arguments are not going to make that person, and their herds, like you or concede defeat, especially if the individual loves to make up statistics and live in an alternate reality. Debating a barking dog is always debating a barking dog. And if a person (you) debates a barking dog (Allipac), don’t complain later if people assumed that the dog had point. What can I say? Some people respond to barking and not debating or even making sense, which brings me to the next point.

Know your Audience

As stated in American Splendor stupid is average, so convincing people that that Sarah Palin is a victim of the media is not that hard. In case you have not notice, Stephen Colbert uses his great mastery of the English language to control the debates without actually knowing anything. A good debater might be the most ignorant person in the room but knows how to trample foes. For example, screaming over your opponent and not letting them talk. If it feels like cheating, consider this, if you cannot win against a faulty argument, are you sure your stand is the correct one? Many people identify that as a cue for who controls the debate and overpower the other. Here are some of the dubious ways people grant themselves credibility.

1. Giving yourself an accreditation that makes your trustworthy. A PhD, a language or a job that entitles trust. (their argument is better because they are better than you)

2. Calling the opponent an idiot over and over, making fun of their comment/spelling, instead of actually saying why is wrong. (you’re an idiot so their argument is better than yours)

3. Flipping through subjects. (This one is particularly good at making people contradict themselves and say something lame as they are removed from their area of specialty. You were debating Coke vs. Pepsi and somehow ended up talking about nuclear physics. Keep going back to the subject over and over and keep track of what you actually want to debate about. )

4. Having the last word (amazingly in this day and age, many people still believe that having the last word means you won)

Do not respond with just fallacies. Although they will probably win you many battles, sooner than later you will find someone who can see through you. And that person is going to beat the crap out of you by pointing out your pseudo intelligence. Believe me, being call pseudo smart is way more demeaning than being call an idiot.

Again, use your common sense before entering a debate. You might run the risk of granting your credibility to someone in the fringes of abstract thinking. In other words, if it was not clear enough, if you debate someone who thinks that calling Obama a chimp is not racist, if the audience is uneducated enough. They might think that you two are having a balance, two way argument when in reality, you’re handling this person his/her butt in a silver plate.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Dream Act Especial Edition: On Dreaming without Acting

So, as I sit in front of the computer, an unnerving reality comes to my mind. This is it. This is as close as I am ever going to get to a green card. Yet, that is not the most critical fear in my head but the fear of doing something about it.


I have done it on the past. Calling that is, well, sometimes just tried to call because the lines are full. It is not like I’m spending all day and night calling like many of my more committed friends. I have many things to do, so every time I go out for an errand or finish a task I do a set of calls. It sounds lame but it is not like I can skip picking my sister from school or my mom from work or dinner from the dumpster.

Mostly, I understand why so many dreamers are wasting their precious time, pondering on the current bill rather than making it happen.

If you give your all and fail, it is more devastating than if you just fantasize how good it would be for something to happen. I can dream on being a size zero, rant on the benefits of exercise and a healthy diet. That might give me a sense of doing something but in reality; it is not until I get off my butt that everything starts.

Acting to realize your dreams is not fun or easy. It is very hard, boring and painful. It is even harder when you realized that the chances of realizing your goals are dim even if you give your all. What if you give your all and fail? What does that say about you? What does that say about the American Dream? What does that say about life?

So, it is easier to just not call. If the Dream Act fails, you were not emotionally invested. If fact, some people (with the excuse of being reasonable), are already looking at the chances of the Dream Act as dim at best. They are preparing themselves for failure and protecting themselves from devastation.

Low tolerance to pain is not a good thing. For example, abused spouses stay because of their intolerance to deal with reality, the pain of a failed relationship and the stress of change.

So, let’s not be abused spouses. The USA system is not our pimp. Let’s do our best, call, write and speak up for a couple of days. And if we fail, then we cry and mend our wounds.

And now, if you excuse me, I have some calls to make.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Dream Act Special Edition: On Doing Our Best

So, while doing some research it became clear, I will be 30 by the time the Senate Discusses the Dream Act, which most likely will make me un-eligible. Further explanation, my birthday is December 5.  The bill is yet to be even brought to the floor in the Senate and I need to be younger than 30 by the time the Dream Act passes.
So, I could do what some Dreamers in my position have done in the past. Whine how unfair it is, why I deserve it more than anyone else.  Why they need to change the law so it accommodates me. Then some other jerk will say that shit happens because, of course, they qualify, so, the hell with me, even though if they were in my position they will whine too.
Since that is too boring, I’ll do something else instead.  Do what I can to make sure the bill passes as soon as possible. It is not as awe inspiring as what other dreamers have made. Still, what I can do I all I can. What I know in my heart can do and what will save me from regret in the future.
You see. I CAN WORRY LATER about what’s next.  If the Dream Act does not passes right now, the changes of me getting legal status is even smaller. I can hire a lawyer and if nothing works, I can go back to Mexico.
The point is, there is no excuse to whine and discuss when there is work to do. Think less, Talk less and Do more. Not asking you to get arrested or to do something beyond your means, only do what you know you can and no more, no less.
If the Dream Act does not pass, then you can bitterly shake your fist at politicians, at America and the world itself but you will know that you did your part. The world failed you but you did not fail to yourself.
That in the end is the most important thing. More important than the Dream Act because the Dream is only an opportunity but you, you my dear are power. Can you apply yourself to make the world a better place?

Sunday, November 28, 2010

On How to Debate on the Internez (Part 1)

Note: The final blog was in the ball park of 3-4 pages long. So, I cut it into three parts. Might add a survey to see if anyone cares to read the whole thing in one sit. Also, all the examples used, were real but no anonymous jerk was harm while producing the blog.

I have figure out something. NASA scientist and multi-lingual doctorate holders are idiots. Either that, or one too many high school drop outs are doing the amazing feat of both pretending to be incredibly smart while showing their awe inspiring ignorance on the Internet. The bottom line is: don’t look like a jerk. Even if you’re anonymous, learn the delicate art of making others feel mentally inadequate through arguments.

Situation

You’re minding your own business, browsing the net while chatting and watching some videos on You Tube. Suddenly, you read a blog, saw a video, and/or heard a comment that captures your imagination. Either is a good hell yea or maybe not. In any case, you’re going to give them a piece of your mind.

Maybe is not like that, maybe you can help but to read the first or most popular comment of a District 9 trailer (in You Tube it cannot be help). On no you didn’t puffycloud108! How dare you insult District 9 after it took me to a multi-layered science fiction heaven! He is going down!

In any case, after a couple of hours, there is a reply and is not a “you tell’em Feistyone1975”. What to do now? Well, here are five basic things to keep in mind before and during an Internet debate.

Know the Opponent

That is the person who wrote the comment in question. If this person is a troll who called your favorite clip of Batman Beyond retarded, just let it go. Trolls are people who are looking for your attention and/or to make you fight with fellow fans, just write a comment that re-instates your love for Batman in the general thread. You will vent and feel better without bringing further aggravation.

If the jerk is debating five people at the same time in the same thread, just let it go. A person with that much time in their hands and so eager for attention is not worth your time. He is aggravated already, let the other five fools anger him some more and get angry while you chat with your friends.

If the person says something beyond lame like “how come chimps are not evolving into humans? LOL@ Evolution theory” just let it go. You will have to explain what evolution is, why it does not work that way, and so forth, then they will reply some other equally ignorant response and you will again have to reply in brief, simple terms something very complex. You don’t have time for that. Hells is the absence of God, thus anyone outside the grace of God is miserable. Think of God as knowledge and hell as ignorance, let them live in their own personal hell.

If the individual wrote what appears to be a good argument but there is something not working. He/she is part of a group often composed of people who got some college but skip the courses that really matter (the ones that you need to graduate). Partly educated, the individual uses, and often prides him/her, of using common sense. By the way, we are all part of this group in one way or another since no single person knows it all. It is hard to not follow common sense and popular belief, since we are often saturated with information that is worthless.

For example, “yea, if you eat five grill sandwiches it is too much, but if you measure yourself you’re gonna be fine. I made two for myself this morning and they are great.” There are so many elements with this refusal but I’ll go with the most difficult. According to the bag where the bread comes from, a serving is a slice of bread. A piece of cheese is an ounce. So, the correct serving is half grilled sandwich. He ate four portions thus overeating and making his own argument fail. Overeating is bad, everyone knows it. Eating the right portion is the difficult part and unless you spend a good amount of time studying the subject, it will be hard to identify the problem. This group is very tricky because they know some but lack some. They will, often without knowing, use fallacies in logic to tramp adversaries and win debates. In conclusion, don’t get tramped.

The opponent that knows what is talking about and yet differs in ideology. Yes, there are true Marxists that have great arguments on the wrongdoing of Capitalism. There are incredible smart Conservatives that know why their position is the best one. In those cases, be prepared and have fun and learn from this person. True, you will never totally agree with their stance. Still, the best debates are not to defeat opponents is to prove you that your own principles and values are the real deal. You are not an atheist to piss off mom. You are not a Catholic to piss off atheists. True, both an environmentalist and a capitalist will have different points of view but at the end both are needed to fix global warming.

Friday, November 19, 2010

On Updates

Ten quick updates about my otherwise boring life.

  1. I finished paying my first ticketJ Now, I have to deal with the second oneL I wonder if I can do it through the Salvation Army again to finish super fast. Still, the place is full of crazy people who both hate democrats and Walt-Mart.


     

  2. I was assistant director for my local PBS live auction. It was super cool. Many people often complain about their first horrible jobs in the media. I was just stocked that someone could be paid to have so much fun.


     


     

  3. All my summer clothes are stored and all my winter clothes hanged and organized. Still, it would be nice to change the furniture around the room.


     

  4. The Democrats lost the House but retain the Senate. Conservatives claim is due to angry voters being against liberal agenda. Liberals claim is due to conservatives being angry at conservatives. One thing is for sure, people are angry at politicians in general.


     


     

  5. A family acquaintance died in a work related accident. Gruesome details about him and the mill he was working on. Existential issues arise. I feel really bad for his family and offered myself to take them to Sacramento to the Mexican Consul. The family was offered only 5,000 by the company to cover their expenses. It pissed me off. Money comes and goes but a loved one is invaluable.


     

  6. The guy who bullied me in high school died in a car accident. Well, he tried but I fight back. In any case, two deaths within two weeks to feed my already unhealthy, fearful obsession with death. I wish I could feel very bad for him but I feel nothing, not joy nor sadness. Part of me is piss off at him for driving high on coke and the other remembers that the last time we met it was our last fight. Remember to tell mom, "I wish I never see him again" and now, I will. That probably makes me the worst person in the world. Trying to console myself by knowing that if I could trade his life for the life of my dog I would. As if that meant anything.


     

  7. I tried to fill in my eyebrows like the You Tube "gurus" do. First of all who spends that amount of time in their brows? Second, I ended up looking like Groucho Marx.


     


     

  8. Due to the chances of the Dream Act, my plan to move to Mexico was postponed. Still, whether the Dream Act passes (and will start moving my dusty behind again for the cause) or not, I will go back to my hometown and hang out. It is a 500 year old town and apparently all those years where used to perfect the delicate art of fried pork in big ass copper pots and happy cajeta. Happy cause is drunk like Paris Hilton in a club. Who does not want to eat alcohol infused cajeta and fried pork in a 500 year old city?


     

  9. I have nothing to say but these are ten updates and without a nine there would only be nine. We cannot have that.


     


     

  10. Feel that cops are up to get me instead of protect me. I don't think that a flamboyant citizenship, it will change that. This is what happens when someone's humanity is taken. You learn to see the world with cynical eyes. All the innocent idealism is gone but as Jon Steward said "I am a cynical by nature but an optimist by conviction." So, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Make sure to hug everybody you love that night and have a wonderfully stressful shopping spread the next day.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

On Spooky

I came from a place where Armageddon was upon us every other Monday. Everything would be alright, until somehow the rumor was spread: on Monday, Satan will arrive. As the sky turned red and demons and spirits run amok, people needed to stay at their house for three days. If you were outside your house, you were doomed to be drag to hell by the horned one himself. If a love one begged you to open the door, screw them. Opening the door, meant to let the devil in, by the way, nothing will work, not even matches. If you didn't have food or water, it was going to be a hard time.

The priest at the local church had to make a sermon addressing the rumors. He stated that the world was not going to end on a Monday. He also refused to bless matches and/or electrical appliances. Still, the rumors continued for several months, until people got tired of waiting for the world to end any other Monday.

At that time, my aunts had a conversation about the subject. One of them asked the other if she would allow her to get in once Armageddon arrived. The other replied no.

Now, just imagine for a second to grow where the line between fantasy and reality was non-existent. I was scared as hell. The good thing is that not all my family was insane. Indeed, one aunt defiantly declared that God did not exist. And at that moment, the light bulb exploded. She said that it was casualty. Back then I thought it was not. Now, I know it was.

Still, the draw of the supernatural is strong. Mostly because, unlike science, is easy to understand and fun. Another little legend runs among my hometown. A woman hated to go to church. One day, she finally decided to skip the sermon and stay home to cozy up. Everyone left and she was her most comfortable when she heard a sinister voice. Finally- the voiced said- we are alone. Clearly is an urban legend created to coerce people to go to church.

Still, a sister of my atheist aunt said something about a young woman wearing black. She was working on a bus station and often had to work pass midnight. She slept in the living room which back then had huge open windows to the exterior. She was in the sofa still with work clothes when she looked at the partially opened curtain. A young woman clad in black was outside our house. Her face covered with a black veil. She thought it was a weird dream. Still, a couple of minutes later we found out that our elderly neighbor died that same night.

I am pretty sure it was a dream. I think many in our family have this capacity for lucid dreams. I was still a child when I was both dreaming that I ran across the street and listening to a soap opera. I remember well because Veronica Castro got shot in her wedding day while I was falling to the ground and waking up. My mother also has this capacity, although she is not sure. She kept talking about her child memories of being in bed and hearing the voices of children playing. She also heard someone hitting the wall. She didn't know what it was until some day she peeped. The house had no door, only a curtain. It was something covered with a white blanket. It took a rock and kept hitting the wall of the house.

I still think is a dream. Besides, children have a very vivid imagination. I used to confuse my mother with other people, simply because they had curly hair, like my mom. I was very little a toddler still. I saw this dead baby. I thought it was a baby inside a public toilet but if that ever happened, it would have been huge news but never heard a word. Children see monsters, we adults, call shadows and leaves and branches.

Dreams can be really vivid though. Still this year, I was in bed when a little girl got under me. She said she was cold. She was indeed cold as a cadaver. I felt her cold skin against my stomach and breast. I wanted to cuddle her. She was no older than fiver. She did not allow me to move. I wanted to see her little face but could not see it. She came back again angry because I told my mom my dream. My mom was scared to death. She pulled my hair and I told her to leave because I was tired. She left and never came back.

Now, this might look like the lucid dream of a crazy person. Indeed it is. During the time where I am half awake and half sleep my mind is at its peak of creativity. The best segments of my writing, the most compelling stories, the most beautiful thoughts come at this moment. It is the moment where I decide that the next day I will visit my aunt who is in Mexico, eat at grandma, who is death and make sure to use a rosary to protect myself against vampires.

Sometimes I miss those years of insanity. Reality mixed with fantasy and fantasy with romance to explain those things that are hard explain. After all, humanity still has a long way to go towards wisdom. I like to draw my conclusions on what I see both in real and abstract form. That is not much to brag but is all I can given the limits of my own humanity. Still, I do not believe in ghost unless I am half sleep. I am more afraid of humans. Mostly because no one has died of ghost attack while many have died of a stab wound.

Which reminds me, I was a little girl when I was fighting with my brother, he claims to forgot the event. Well, he was like six years old. He ran to the patio and I followed him. The door was closed and he knee on the floor and I did the same. The door was a curious thing. Made of heavy word and painted minty green, it could only be open from the inside by pushing heavily. It was so hard that if it were not already opened, my brother couldn't have opened by himself. The door started to open. I could see the feet of my grandmother wearing a blue dress, carrying a white bucket. I asked them to stop because they were going to hit my brother in the head. My brother pulled the door and there was nothing on the other side. We ran outside. My mother came back 15 minutes later, my grandmother five minutes later. There was no one on the house. She was in an aunt house two blocks away and it was impossible for her to use other door than the front door. She was not even wearing the blue dress.

I am pretty sure that I imagined her. The same way I imagined so many things. Still, one riddle still stumble me: how did the door opened?


 

Friday, October 15, 2010

On Lucky

Ok, so I went to drop my sister to school and when I came back my dog Lucky has been hit by car. Before anyone starts awing and feeling sorry for the damn dog, let me tell you, he had it coming. The damn dog likes to chase cars and it was a miracle he was not horribly killed before. He is stupid and smelly and lame and, more important, a damn dog.

Well, apparently, Lucky made honor to his name because from all the possible terrible outcomes, he only got a broken leg and road rash testicles. He still managed to gather all the sympathy and pity from strangers and relatives alike. While some family members were already willing to give every single damn dollar for the dog's cause, I was ready to put him to sleep if curing him cost more than five hundred bucks.

Five hundred bucks is the value of my love for Lucky. And no, I am not the vilest person, you have ever met. Do you know what it means to go all the way for a person?

I am not taking away the rights of the dog. By all means dogs should have rights but why should the pain and suffering of dogs, salamanders and chia pets be ahead of the pain of suffering of men, women and children. This peculiar aspect of the human condition did not pass unnoticed by the Cohen Brothers. Indeed the subtle, dry joke of No Country for All Men was the pity everyone felt for the slaughtered dogs surrounded by death people. We are willing to spend thousands of dollars to rescue a dog or a cat but somehow it is an offense to adjust the status of an undocumented student. After all, the dog is kind of innocent and the child is kind of guilty.

The dog is fine. It limps around the house and swings its tail to inform us that he wishes to be scratched in the ear. He is so well, that a couple of days ago, he escaped as I got into the house and chased a dude in a blue bike. I grab him by the neck and brought him back. That is when he remembered that he had a broken leg because he started cry like the son of a bitch he is. "Well" I said "you got a broken leg and your testicles were rashed by the road, the sad thing is, you learned nothing from it and will die a stupid death unless I save you from yourself."

Yes, it has harsh but I don't care. He is a dog and he has it coming. Still, I know that if you got a broken leg and your testicles rashed by the road, I would feel more empathy for you than for Lucky. Because you know, you're not a dog.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

On a little intel.

To all my loyal readers, my mom and Juang, here is a word on tips to make this blog a little more time wasteful.

First, you probably did not notice that recently blogs start with the word "on." No, I did not join the Illuminati and drop secret codes for wannabe Tom Hanks to figure out. I was trying to copy the Spanish version of The Simpsons were they read the title like "The Simpson on: Who Shot Mr. Burns?"

Well, after realizing how dumb it was, I change the story, in my mind. So, every time there is some possible entry, I always start with: My Two Cents on….

It might not help you but it definitely helps me. Sometimes two cents is exchange for the word rant. I wish I could change the name of the blog to My Two Cents or Rant of the Month or something like that since my topics are more diverse than the Dream Act. Oh, well too lazy to look for a solution.

Also, when a word is underlined and in color, it means that it has a link. No, is not for a porn site but close. These are usually the sources for any given comment, see, I'm trying to not write the first thing that comes to my head or rephrase someone else argument but to bring my own thoughts into the plate and use different sources to reach one opinion. Although, I withheld my right to rant to my heart's content. Feel free to look at them; many of them are videos and lectures that are much less boring that what meets the eye.

I am trying to write a blog per week but is often difficult given the time constrains. When I put the time to write something, it definitely shows, and if someone took the effort to read my opinion, it is fair that I spend some effort making something worth reading. Sadly, lots of things are going on at home and I need to fix them. Every time there is something to fix, script writing time and blog writing time end up losing the battle. I have been rude enough to ditch many of my chat room friends and even flesh and blood local buddies.

So, that's all. Please stay classy until next time.

Friday, September 17, 2010

On State of Affairs

Th.is was probably the craziest week in a long time.

I had a ticket for driving without a license. After the second one, from the lawyer to the translator, everyone expected me to go to jail for 48 hrs. Needless to say, I was terrified and stressed. I have only seen jails in the movies.

So this was the week of hell to pay or so it seemed.

MONDAY: Went to PBS(public broadcast channel) where I volunteer. Received many compliments after clearing the office of a lay off employee in five hours. They expected me to last at least three days.

TUESDAY: Dreamactivist announced that Reid was going to attach the Dream Act to an appropiation bills. They were back up later by everybody else, including the man himself, Sen. Reid.

WEDNESDAY: Went to court, NEW JUDGE gave me community service to pay my debts to society. (a blog for that event is in the making).

THURSDAY: Was invited to eat cheesecake gelato. Spend my days calling Senators but realized I needed to do more.

FRIDAY: I am going to make some calls to some leaders, pastors and teachers. I am planning my actions for the following week.

So, it was going to be a hellish week but it turned out to be an awesome week.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

On American Stupidity

So, I was about to write about something else. Still, the Newsweek slide (really, article is too strong of a word for it) was too much of a temptation. Although the right name of should be On American Ignorance, well, there is nothing like a provocative name to give a boost, like the You Tube posts features close ups of butts, breast in the little link. So, the question is: Are Americans really ignorant?

The right answer is probably. For example, the earth rotates around the sun, we cannot see it for sure, it seems like the other way around but science has proved it, and we all feel its effects. The effects of American ignorance can be seen through the way it fed satire, shift culture and changed history.

The amazing Daily Show argument of whether Fox News was dumb or evil is a good example. It was just hilarious to see them debate and prove their case. Still, one can argue that Fox is both evil and ignorant but that is another blog entry. The most amazing piece of satire on the subject was from the Onion News where the headline Happy Healthy Obamas out of Touch with Miserable Americans really set the tone. It is a telling segment in more than one ways.

First, Obama as a whole is an insult to the average American. His impeccable image of a gifted who earns his place in history the hard way is both inspiring and heartbreaking to all the Homer Simpsons of America. Yea, you can be against the dude or even disappointed on him but come on, he is the first damn black president of the US of A! And only a Homer Simpson would believe he got a pass for being black. And probably he is the best dude for the job because come on, McCain got crazy and he was with crazy and Hilary Clinton is with Mr. Smart but so horny is distracting us from her talent.

Oh God, please remember the Dark Ages when Bush was in office. Yea, his popularity dropped in the last year but it is common with all presidents. Maybe Gore won but he defeated Kerry fair and square. Bush got what he called "political capital" and we are still paying that expenditure, literally. Look at Sarah Palin who is Bush with a skirt and no, Bush ain't no pit bull. He is an idiot. What I am trying to say with these horrible, scarring memories is that Bush was liked among many people. Palin is quite popular. We love idiots because we are idiots. Smarts and talent remind us how useless we are. Yea for a while we saw the err of our actions but it prove too hard to change and we are back to our old habits.

Ana from The Young Turks, really nailed the coffin when complaining how The Situation was going to make an estimate of five million bucks while a bright dreamer was not able to get a college loan. In the common sense department, it shows that our beloved capitalistic system is in the highway to hell. In the way our cultural consciousness is wired, it makes perfect sense. The Situation is like us, probably because his capacities to display stupidity we can even look down on him and laugh, though he clearly has the last laugh. The other causes outrage and fear. Here is an over achiever who despite her many, many obstacles achieve a great thing. She reminds us of our mortal flaws. That is why she is someone to despise.

Even some of the comments from the MSN slide, really show this point. Many people keep self pitying themselves, complaining that politicians are out of touch with the middle class. Clearly, there is no distinction between education and wealth. George W. Bush was always rich. Most of the laws he did, deeply affected the middle class and benefited the richest 1% of the population. Obama in the other hand was a community organizer in Chicago. It was a long time ago but he actually met and had relationships with poor people. So, really understanding, what Bill Moyers poetically described as, the other America, the one we all deny but none the less most of us live in, is not a necessary condition for being one of us. Yet, Bush is one of us and Obama is an elitist. You can be rich and one of us or poor and one of them.

So who is at fault for our current state of affairs? Well, we can trace many culprits, for example the media, the school system, the working conditions, the Republican Party and, of course, heavy metal. After all, if the documentary the Power Elite was good for something, it was to remind us that the Clinton years were no good for the working poor, long hours of work for little pay. After the disastrous housing bubble the pain even got to the middle class. The anger that we see now through The Tea Party Movement is not a recent phenomenon but the bottled anger of decades of tricked down economics. Who has the time to get educated? Thus, who has the knowledge and time to figure out if the kids are getting educated? (This is a double tragedy because it assures yet another generation of idiots in the making.) Who has the time to check out if Sarah Palin's death panels are for real? Isn't it easier to believe in crazy conspiracy theories than to analyze reality?

Still, at least part of the causes can be found in our own laziness and arrogance. We are too lazy to get educated and too arrogant to prove ourselves wrong. As a result, we are willing to pay top buck to anyone willing to tell us how right we are. We want to hear how Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. We want to hear how the cupacabra was really a inbreed experiment by the CIA. It is sometimes heart breaking to find out that many of the Jehovah witnesses that knock at my door have yet to finish reading the Bible. THE BOOK they use to PROVE everyone else wrong. They just hear that someone said that this is in the Bible and take it as it is without checking and they hear that someone says that something else is wrong and they take it as it without checking it. The result is disaster.

How many of the people who scream death panel could find out they were wrong by simply reading the damn bill which is freely available? How many people would have find out that there was no case for the war in Iraq if they have dig for information about the subject. How different the world would be if every one of us could take responsibility for the society we live in.

Being smart is not a factor or talent but of hard work. In life, no matter how talented you are, a person who is disciplined enough to work hard every day will always beat you. An educated person can turn into an ignorant idiot if the wealth is not constantly being reinvested. An ignorant person can become educated by just working hard.

Then again, it is wise to be ignorant if you choose not to be proven wrong.


 


 

Saturday, August 21, 2010

On Moderate Dreamers

No, it is not a typo. There is such a species in the spectrum of undocumented youth. There is even such a thing as conservative dreamers. That is dreamers who agree 99% with the Republican Party core principle values with the exception of that 1% that would deport them to where ever they came from.

Is there something wrong with being conservative or moderate? certainly not. If something every single human in this world has the right to their own point of view. And if chickens were proven to have points of view, the hell they should.

I am not going to debate about conservative dreamers. After all, how can anyone debate about something when even legal conservatives (which sounds like preservatives) sound like they are AGAINST their own core values. If they are so in favor of the free market, why are they against undocumented workers? If something the USA law is currently holding down the free market.

I think moderate dreamers are haunted by the same demon moderates in general are haunted by. The demon of over-analyzing. Instead of letting their own principles and feelings rule their position, they want to see the argument each side has. That is not bad into itself, especially if the individual has no idea what is the debate.

We all know that being an extremist is bad. No one wants to be crazy like Sarah Palin or the interviewers of Democracy Now. No, everyone wants to side to logic, reason and what is best for the common wealth. Everyone wants to be smart and, even more important sound smart.

The problem is that by doing that, more than one dreamer is caught giving excuses for the extreme right. Understanding their argument is one thing, accepting it is another. For example, undocumented immigrants who are caught committing a crime, from the serious to the benign. Yes, they committed a crime and yea, they are not American citizens but that does not warrant taking someone's rights or not giving them rights. If the crazy Oklahoma bomber had rights, why can't a dreamer with a DUI or a fake ID have rights.

Also, just as a reminder, conservatives consider anyone moderate a liberal and any liberal a communist. If you're a moderate and a minority then you're a communist too, case in point, President Obama. So, if your point of view is not Glen Beck crazy, then my friend, you're a communist and your opinion is invalid. You are also a criminal no matter what you say and how you entered the country. Thus, your opinion is even more dubious.

And that is the mighty weapon of the extreme right. And oh, how effectively their use it! There is nothing worst that being accused of being an extreme leftist just by agreeing with the Dream Act. Even though is around the most moderate bill ever to grace the USA legislation process. No, because sound...sound? conservatism means deport them all. Any kind of legislation that would give a benefit to any undocumented immigrants (or legal resident, let's face reality) is wrong, and against conservative principles... Probably, no one has checked those a while ago.

Still, once you're accused of being a liberal, your opinion is wrong. You are dumb and that goes against the main want of being smart, and more importantly, sound smart. That is the Achilles feet of the moderate set of mind, their incredible vanity.

If you do not believe that, why is the Democrat party, a group for the most part moderate, so intimidated by Republicans who are a minority. Yea, Democrats do not want to be accused of being leftist because the left does not exist in America. Even the most liberal people in America are uneasy with the word left. That is why the word liberal is still a bad word and the term progressive was invented.

So yes, have an opinion but make sure is your own opinion. Also, remember to judge yourself with the same severity that you judge the world. Then everyone can blame you for being a jerk but no one will ever claim that you are unfair. That make me sound smart and for that I am happy.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Easy

As the title says, there is something about political movement that makes it hard for me to say no.

I was invited to a conference call for the Dream Act. The position in my head: I am not going to be part of any kind of activity. What actually happened: I am already involved.

What the hell!!!!?????

I cannot believe there are no standards whatsoever on my behalf. Specially, because it is still unsure if I can deliver. After all, my schedule is already very busy. It is not like my usual dealing let me have some free time on my own.

Well, time will tell. I strongly believe that the only way to find out if you cannot do something is to actually attempt to do it. If I managed, then alright, if not, at least I tried.

I am doing more research on ways to go to Mexico. Still, since most of the information is not completed, the blog cannot be posted yet.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Going Back

Well as mentioned on DAP a while ago. I wanted to exchange tips about going back to Mexico. It is hard because I am a flake that almost never delivers on past promises. Actually, since I am still on the process of planning how to get to Mexico, it felt too naïve to make a tip blog.

First of all, this is a very intimate choice. Only you can decide what the best possible action is giving your current circumstances. Only you know your work experience, education level, English and Spanish knowledge and the state of affairs in your current community.

The very best people to ask questions would be your own parents. Not because they know what is going on in your country of origin but because they are immigrants. They know what is like to leave everything behind for a brighter future and I am sure that just in their anecdotes you can get a sense of what is like.

Let’s face it, most Dreamers qualify as natives, many speak English better than Spanish, know USA history more than their country of origin history, understand USA culture and customs. Yes, even if you only hang out with paisas, Mexicans in the USA are Americanized. That is why many immigrants return back to the USA after a while.

Now, in other practical terms, Google map the area where you wish to live. First the state, then the city and if possible the street, if Google allows you to check from street view do so. Just grab the orange dude and drag him into your desired location. This will give you an idea of what is going on. If the place you want to see is a place you don’t know, do not only check around the tourist pretty places or the expensive neighborhoods. Check the blocks that are not so pretty because most likely than not, you are not going to live in a gated community right away.

Also, check the internet for local stations and see if you can stream the news. They are a challenge because most have some form of web site and even some videos but they are hard to find. Even in the wiki most links do not work. Search by station on the net and find their web site.

In general, national news programs are a vague form of entertainment, even when light fluffy, local news are concerned with businesses, politicians and laws that have a direct impact in your life. Thus, watching badly created, local news from your state is more important than watching slick national news.
Also, look for newspapers and web sites created for the locals and not for tourists. Check the ads and get an idea of the prices of houses, cars, and the groceries.
Finally, check the Bolsa de Trabajo and see all the possible jobs and wages. There are some internet sites that offer this service and, in Mexico, a government institution. See if you can qualify for a job and check the wages. Also, check the wages for an entry level job in your mayor.

All this actions are going to give you a sense of what to expect. If this makes you question whether or not to stay, it is natural. However, only you know deep inside what is the best thing to do for yourself. And if you know that your best option is over there, after a while, you’re going to look forward to this new phase of your life.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Lay Away

After reading the last entries, I sure hope no one is reading this. Apparently, all the random things that cross my mind, are furiously typed undiluted whether they make sense or not. Yea, the goal of the month was to write more in the movie blog but because that actually requires thinking - instead of babbling- it is... it is just it.

So technically, I am not procrastinating. Yet, I am not doing what I am supposed to do. I want to do a couple of versus movies pinning one movie against the other, like The Blob(original) vs The Blog (the eighties version).

Still, I want to rant. Since rant is easier than critique, then rant it is.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Project Runaway

Against all my goof efforts, I am once again hook on Project Runaway. Yes, I am a fan of the show and for a while, the love was gone.

Well I can understand why some former fans now hate the show. Clearly, the producers have too much say over who wins each challenge. Some times, the show gives too much attention to the bickering and not to the competition itself.

Also, no matter how hard any contestant works, in the end, the competition is unfair itself. Every creative process is unique. Some people need hours, even days to produce something good.

Even in this blog, not all entries where created equal. Some took days even weeks to produce and create a beat and structure while others were written as fast as I type them. Thus, is unfair to ask everybody to wipe one dress in 12 hours when some people thrive on time lines and pressure while others need time and space.

So, yea I do think all the contestant are talented and hard working. Even the ones who created lousy dresses. Yes, this is not the reason why I am hook again.

Mostly is because I am rooting for Casanova -yea that's his damn real name- and his trials. Although the show had contestants from many cultures and backgrounds. He is perhaps the one who speaks the less English.

As an individual who had to learn English the hard way. I am impressed by his guts of entering this competition without questioning his talents. Any normal person would wondered not only if they were good enough as designers, let alone wondering if they understand enough English to be there. He might had but heck he ate his fears and did what he felt it was best for his career.

He is also the least Americanized he copies the behavior of the people around him without knowing if it is appropriate or nor. This cause some friction with other participants. He sees people asking questions so he asks questions but he does not understand when to say when and why some question should not be asked in a competition.

It is also shows the ignorance of many people towards people who speak English as a second language. Someone though he was fooling the judges pretending to know less to work the angles. After all, he speaks very well English with everyone else. But there is a difference. It is not the same to have a casual conversation where you can pretend to understand or gather the pieces and make a guesstimate. The level of English needed is also minor compare to a conversation where you need to know clearly what you need to do and what changes you must apply to become successful.

I am glad the show let him continue. After all from all the contestants who made bad dresses in the first episode, he was the most improve. I only hope that the show makes accommodations for him and bring a translator to clarify the assignments and early critique. That way, if he gets disqualified it would be his fault.

So, yea, if you like creative people, small bickering and pretty dresses. Watch Project Runaway.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

I am my own follower

So, I just learned that I am following myself on this blog.

Though I am always rooting for myself -if not me who will?- how did I ever became my own follower on google is paradox wrapped in a mystery. I just cannot remember.

It is possible it happened at the wee hours, while desperately trying to hit the sheets only to realized that is impossible.

There is nothing like the wee hours when tiredness combined with restlessness equals no good outcome.

Still, I am glad it was just me following myself and being my own fan. It can always be worst, like calling an ex or trying a new make up look. Nothing worst than waking up with smear red lip stick and eye shadow in the shade Your Pimp Beat You. Oh NO! Anything but that!

And no, I am not thatold. But sleeping and me do not mix well and some times it is easier to just stay up for 24 hrs. than to try to sleep being followed by waking up every 35 min. Needless to say, the 24th hour is always the foggy one.

And yes, I am probably crazy but I find the term offensive and prefer the term creatively eccentric.
I would really love to have contact with any one who plans to move to their country of origin or have already done so. It feels very beneficial to share tips and goals and have people to rely on. Also, if anyone needs help, it would like to be of any help.

In my case, moving to Mexico, instead of Canada or England is a choice made with care. First, my parents own a house in Michoacan. Second, I have dozens of relatives. Third, I can always bail if things do not seem good. On the other hand, going to another country means finding a place, a job, getting accustomed to the new culture and getting to know lots of people really fast.

The cons are obvious, lots of insecurity, very low wages, getting accustomed to a new culture and hanging out with perfect strangers that share my genes. Still, in a way, I am looking forward to going back and seeing my grandfather again. The house where I grew up and all the places that for a while I though I will never see again. If something this is a bittersweet event.

Still, I am not planning to stay there forever. I understand that leaving to another state, and possibly, another country is a must if I want to accomplish any of my goals. I just do not want to make those decisions right now, when I am desperate and depressed.

Overall is nice to stop living in the present. Just like an animal that does not know if it will become prey in the next second. It is nice to become a human who, once again, plans and creates her surroundings and future. That is worth more than any sum of money.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Irritational

You know, I wonder among when Mexicans will stop once for all stop being so damn nosy. Although stereotyping is bad, from all the array of Mexicans I have met through this life time of mine, 99% are nosy and intrusive.

The best part is that although women are blamed the most, men have their equal share on this phenomenon.

Usually, women want to find out the dirt on you to use it as a weapon or at least make fun of you with their close acquaintances. Yes, it is irritating and some times very dangerous. No joke that if some crazy woman cheats on her spouse, it is often a close relationship the one that exposed the embarrassing deed.

Men are even more irritating. They take a paternalistic approach for the most part. You talk to them about a problem and they do not listen but they give you advice, even if it is unwelcome.

Some times you don't need to talk to them. They just figure out what is wrong with you and tell you how to fix it. You order orange chicken at a joint and they enlighten you with the fact that is unhealthy and ruin the meal for you with their health advice.

Maybe is a collective low self-esteem. We need to feel better by making others look and feel bad about themselves. Maybe deep inside we are all jerks. Maybe is simply the inability to see our own flaws and focusing on them because that actually requires us admitting our reality.

If something is true about this, is that often the person that does the criticizing usually ignores their own flaws. The old sluts ripping apart a young girl who is wearing a mini skirt. Never mind that sluting around is worst than wearing a mini skirt. The girl, whose only crime is being hot enough to flaunt some leg, is not only equal in flaws, it is actually worst. The men who gave me healthy advice was actually in worst shape than me but he is wiser than me right?... right?

And no, I do not take Mexican men advice as less evil as women. Even if it is masked with well intentions, in the end, it has the same goal as ripping someone in the back; it is a way to put someone in their place. A way to show that insignificant little girl that no matter how smart or strong she is, she is only a mere girl who knows nothing in comparison to a strong, confident man.

And thus, the Mexican becomes a guardian who shelters their flaws and hides the short comings, not only to the world at large but even to love ones. What are the arrongant narco-corridos but gansta rap in Spanish. Music to flaunt the women, drugs, and dollars to hide the poverty, ignorance and insecurity.

After all, you do not want to be pray of the nosy police and be rip apart or lecture by someone worst off than you. Instead you hide your poverty and worries by flaunting what you don't have and finding the dirt of others to use it as cheap therapy.

Oh, how I wish to be better and to stand above the mere masses in this issue. Still, this entry sums up how I took my game into a whole different level. Still, I am trying to change, please give me a damn break. I am actually trying to clean my act.

On the bright side, it could be worst. We could be insecure American style. That would not only be sad but actually quite scary.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Replies

I really wanted to reply to the last comment on the last blog but they were too long and boring. Instead, killing two birds with one stone by writing yet another long boring post.

Although choosing between staying in the USA or going back is a painful decision, it is also very liberating. I am no longer at the mercy of someone else who decides my life and limits my choices. As Cara said, is empowering.

As for politicians, they do only care for themselves. Still, that is a true of your nature and mine. I mean, this country has the right to exploit and abuse immigrants because it simply can. What we the powerless consider evil, they learned to rationalized into us being the evil ones.

In any place, group or entity where is power there is conflict. The human brain is capable of rationalized even the most evil of actions. Thus, the importance of the term division of power.

It is not up to politicians to change the course of action but up to people. If you consider politicians care about three things. First, the subject that are close to their hearts. Yes, it is surprising but politicians do have issues that are dear to them and will fight for them Second one, is voters because that keeps them hired and working on issues that matter, to the politician of course. Finally, funds to convince those voters to vote for the above mentioned politician. The more money the better.

If you think carefully most voters are the problem. If the healthcare debate was any good, it was to show the kind of people that politicians and the media cater to. They change of opinion fast, they didn't had a clue about the subject, they though they knew a lot and felt that everyone else, even experts didn't. The bill that became law was pretty much what voters wanted.

That does not mean everyone wanted. In the case of immigration, what I have seen from abusing employers to college students, is that THEY are doing us a favor by allowing us to stay illegally in their country. After all, we would be really poor and having bad time in Mexico, because we are all Mexicans yo' knaw.

We are hard working people when they need us and criminals when we ask for more. They don't give a damn if we are if we break the law if the lettuce is going to be cheaper.

I wish I was angrier. At this point, I feel nothing more. Just stating what I see even if it does not make sense to anyone but me.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Ch-ch-ch-ch-change

So after weeks, rather months of heavy sucking, I finally came to the firm conclusion that I cannot take this shit any longer. So, the countdown to go back to Mexico has begin.

Is this what I want? heck no but it seems that from the array of choices, it is the best one. After all, it is rare for humans have the best option at their disposal. More often than not, we have to choose between choices that do not appeal to us at all.

Of course this has to do with the damn panic attacks. I need hope for the future. Tangible hope that tomorrow will be better than today because today is better than yesterday. Right now, there is no such thing.

This year I will aged out the current Dream Act bill. Furthermore, both the Dream Act and Immigration Reform feel impossible this year, thus impossible in the next couple of years. Meanwhile, I aged every year, life is not waiting for me, nor this country or anyone else. The only person that can put in motion my life is me and I want to live it at its fullest. Not some half shit because someday I'll get back to travel, work, marriage, kids, and a mortgage.

In all honestly, neither do I wish for the dreamers to stop dreaming. One day, it will be a reality, for all of them, it is just not a reality for me. It is okay.

Neither I am going to star whining that the bill should take away some sections because its unfair for me and blah, blah. That is a load of crap. A kid that arrived 5 years ago has as much of a right to adjust his/her status than me. Frankly, if the bill as it is has greater chances of passing. Then, the hell with me and let it ripe. How cruel for some people, to prefer to let children endure this pain than to allow something good to happen.

I have always fought with all the odds against me and some times I have won. Yes, it will be difficult and hard but whatever. I am still young and strong with all my body parts in their place. I love this country but there is a point where you have to love yourself even more.

And with that last line, I end. Otherwise I will keep blabbing on and on.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Fear of Death = Fear of Life

After the last panic attack, I had to admit there was a problem. Ever since the car accident, at the age of twelve, death is mysterious companion of mine. However, it never had the meaning it has now. It is very different to know or to understand something than to feel it with all the intensity of your soul.

All of the sudden, all my goals, worries and problems felt pretty futile. I will die anyway and in less than one hundred years, it would be as if I was never here. Why bother?

More than fearing extinction, I feared the death of others. No longer to be able to see my mother, my father, my friends and enemies. Suddenly, the death penalty felt too harsh.

But then again, why fear death? It's inevitable dark shadow will always lurk around to take every one of us into a place we don't know. No, horror is not fire or ice, it's the emptiness that comes with eternity. After all, forever is a heck of a long time and everything that starts must end sooner than later.

No, it is not the fear of death that makes me shiver and forces the tears out of my eyes. It's the fear of life. Life that is always random, light, movement, chaos and change. It the life that enters my lungs with every breath and purifies my blood with every heart beat. It is life not death the real beautiful horror that refuses to let go.

Now, if this is confusing, there is an example. Imagine a horror movie where a band of horny teenagers are trapped inside a mansion where a monster is lurking.

There are two options:
a. Wait there in the safety of the room where everyone is gather.
b. Go out and find a way out.

Most horror movies go to B without too much pondering because it will be boring to watch horny teenagers trap in a room for two hours. Still, a is what most people would do. They would keep the current safety and bury themselves in a corner and pretend to be okay when everything is wrong.

In reality they are far from safe, the monster will get to that room and give them what is coming to them . Yet, in the meantime they are safe and they are too scare to think beyond their noses.

People who chose b are choosing life. No kidding, there is a huge chance of dying right now. There are little chances of getting out. Still, in the other hand, they are cheating death because they are acting. They are moving, reacting, feeling. They are living as death runs after them.

So, I am afraid of living. I am afraid of doing what has to be done in order to live. I act as if I was waiting for life but in reality life is waiting for me to fly away into chaos and change that comes to the people to fill every minute with the light of life.

Curiously enough living as you die is not the same as dying as you live. It took me a while to get it. No, it does not make death less bitter but it does make life more sweet and that, that is enough for me.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Abstract

Justice is the stuff that people talk as if it was like air, invisible but surrounding every aspect of our lives.

It does not exist.

There are laws but those laws are rules. They were created to stop people from doing something. Sometimes laws stop people from hurting others. Sometimes laws are created to hurt people.

Laws have nothing to do with justice.

If there is any justice in this world. It is not like air but like blood. Floating in and out of your heart. It is structured by education but at the root, it is compassion. Compassion developed of living, living with others and with yourself.

If only there is any justice in this world.

No, there is no justice outside, waiting for you to find it. It cannot be conquer, it cannot be bought. Either you developed inside or you don't have it.

In any case,

A person without justice is not a person.

If the rules on which you set your life only apply to others but not for yourself.

You are not a person.

If the laws of others are imposed to you by force and they do not apply it to themselves, you are not a person.

Needless to say, there are fewer people on this world than what the eyes sees.

In any case, those who are non-people have the right to seek justice.

And those with justice have the right to impose justice to non-people.

And there is nothing more to say.

From a non-person to you. Take it or leave it but is here.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Oooppp... They Did it Again

As a general rule any form of end of days time line has always been taken lightly in my head. Not right now, every time I go to bed is with the fear that the freaking Mayans were right and that life as we know it will end in 2012.

Although my state of mind is always melancholic, it has never reached this level.  Perhaps because even in the worst case scenario, I always felt that I could do something no matter how small it was my contribution.

When Katrina and Haiti were destroyed, I was given the options to donate money. Even gave cans of food to help the people in Sudan. As for my legal status, the choice of being here or in Mexico is always a choice.

Hearth broken, I had to read how some people felt it was BP responsibility to fix what they broke. Although in principle it is correct, if there is a time when principle can kiss our butts, it is now. In my book, it is a load of crap.

When tragedy strikes some part of the world, people who deny help are seen as jerks. They are publicly destroyed for their cruelty. True, Sudan and New Orleans had their issues but to still, people suffered and some form of relief was needed.
 
Neither it is unnatural that corporations get some form of aid when they screw it. Banks were rescued by taxpayers and so did the car industry. Still, Toyota was demonized because it is perceived as a “foreign” company. Never mind that their cars are safer than any American car ever made.  The banks were given money for sucking because they were too big to fail.

So why everyone does feels that both the USA government and BP need to fix it all?  It is not a crime against the Southern States or the Gulf of Mexico, or even humanity; it is a crime life itself.  I hate to burst anyone’s bubble but this tragedy is too big for the USA or BP to fix.

So, we need a telethon urging people around the world to donate money to fix this mess. We need freaking Bono to make a song about it. We need Sean Penn to go in a little boat into the oily waters to save pelicans.

More important, we need to realize that oil corporations are a monopoly and they behave as such.  By nature they dislike for innovation –which is risky, costly and could produce new competition.

Yes, it is time to find some new form of energy resource to stop drilling for obsolete oil.  There is no such thing as solutions only tradeoffs.  It requires more than BP, it requires us, as humans. After all, a corporation is not a person. It gives a damn if it dies in 2012 but how about you? Do you give a damn?

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Nothing Else To do

The name says it all. I could go with lazy good for nothing Lucky (my sister's dog) but I am tired of spoiling them both.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Panic



So, I was ready to hit the sheets. In my bed, dozing off as the Kink’s I go to Sleep was on.

Mmmm….maybe I should add, Starry, Starry Night to that list. (Never mind that I do not have that song). Anyway, tomorrow there is work and Sarah needs to be picked from school. I wonder if I can buy some Chinese food and smuggle it to my room without my family finding out and demanding some. Oh, I have to organize all this files and then must start to walk again although right now is raining. I wonder if I am going to die. I think I am going to die. Soon.

Fear. I don’t want to die. Is consciousness going away? I do not believe that Shakespeare is eternal through his work. I believe life is consciousness, in breathing at the moment and feeling at the moment and experiencing at the moment. Is there something else? No, I do not believe there is nothing else, I do not believe that all humanity dies and goes someplace else. Maybe some, some who have gone beyond animals and turn into people. Please grandmother talk to me from beyond, tell me that you are there and that your will come and pick me up.

No. she is not coming. She is dead. I refuse to believe that humanity is like maggots in a corpse. First, one or two then a billion eating the rotten flesh that is the world until there is nothing and everything is gone. I am leaving. My mind is fading and that is that. Panic.  I don’t want to die.

Still, when my grandparents died everybody said that there was relief in their faces. Eventually we all must die. But I cannot accept it. I won’t accept it. I want to live. I want to remain alive. I don’t want to face into nothingness. Maybe death was a relief for them. Maybe they were tired of fighting the world, of fighting themselves. Maybe the burden of life keeps growing as the years go by, until it becomes unbearable. I don’t believe it. I don’t want to believe it.

Up. My chest hurts. The pain starts at my heart and it moves through my veins and my blood feeds it to my cells.  Tears come through my eyes as I get up. I had a panic attack. The Kinks are still on. My hands are shaky and the tears keep coming out no matter how hard my hands wipe them out of my face.

My chest still hurts. Intense jolts of fear and a sense of dead still surrounding me. I am not going to die. Not today anyway. Maybe I might be prepared when it comes, after all, I have lots of practice with dying. For years death has come and kisses me, just to wave a see you later and said, not today but some day.